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[November 24, 2006 | 10:05 PM]

Add nicegirl if you'd like to still read my stuff. I'm leaving lissicka behind for now. I may come back to it someday but for now, I need a change. :)

[November 23, 2006 | 03:58 PM]
I was laying in my room about to take a nap when I heard my family talking and it sounded like my grandpa was really upset. So I walked out of my room to see what was going on and my grandpa's face was all red and he was crying. I asked what was wrong and he said, "my mom died". My great grandma, Aima Lefever passed away this afternoon, just a few hours ago. My grandpa's sister (my great aunt Janet) called to tell him. He took it really hard and he felt horrible for not being there. But he was the closest to her. And he would go visit her EVERY DAY even though he didn't want to and wanted to do other stuff. He knew it was the right thing to do. I walked into the living room because he looked so sad and I gave him a hug. He hugged me really tight and cried and said, "thank you so much, Alyssa. That was really nice of you." I started crying, myself. I feel horrible that I haven't seen her in two years and I couldn't even see her before she died. He kept saying, "it still doesn't feel right." I can't imagine what it must be like to lose your mother. But she was 95 years old and very miserable at this point. They all said they wished she would've made it to 100, but it was her time and she lived a VERY LONG life. She knew she was going to die. And she would talk to my grandpa about the songs she wanted played at her funeral like "Amazing Grace". It's very sad to know she's gone, but at the same time, I'm happy for her because she's in a better place now and she's not miserable and in pain anymore. She can finally relax and be happy. We knew this time was coming soon since she had her coma. But it's always a shock when it happens no matter what. I'll never forget her, though. She was a very strong, hard-working, and independent woman. She was so sweet.

R.I.P. Aima Lefever:
November 29, 1910 - November 23, 2006

[November 09, 2006 | 11:29 AM]
Yesterday, I was getting ready for work just like any other day. I took a shower and I had some extra time so I layed down in my bed to watch some tv. All of the sudden, totally out of nowhere, I got this twisting and tightning pain in my stomach and lower back. It wouldn't stop and I was laying there wiggling around, screaming and crying for like 5 minutes. I called my mom and I didn't know what to do. She sounded kind of paniced and said she wished she was there because then she could help me. She told me to call my doctor and then call her back right away and if she needed to take me, she would. So I called them and they put me through with the nurse right away. She told me to come in right away and if I didn't think I could move, to call an ambulance. Luckily I could get up. My mom came and got me and took me to the doctor. I walked in and they said, "Alyssa?" and I said, "yeah?" and they told me to come on in and she put me in a wheelchair so I didn't have to walk. I saw the doctor almost right after I got in there and he checked my stomach and everything and decided we need to do further investigation from what we did last time. So today, I'm getting a CAT scan and then sometime next week, I'll be getting put under and getting one of those tubes with the cameras shoved down my throat so they can check out my intestines. They're really worried that it might be something that my dad has, which worries me even more. If it's none of that, then they think it may actually be stress related. In which case, they'll make me cut my hours at work or stop working for a while. I don't know what I would do then. I'm really scared about all of this. But they gave me vicodin and someting for the nausea so that's been going nicely. Sara and I are both on vicodin right now (she cracked her foot the other day) so last night, we were laying in my bed watching Nip/Tuck and giggling like idiots. Everything was so amusing to us.

[November 05, 2006 | 11:42 AM]
Last night I went to my dad's for dinner and to watch the movie Click. I actually was going to go out and rent it myself! And then he invited me over to watch it. I really liked it. We all did. Then we watched some stuff on his Tivo. I like hanging out with my dad sometimes. He always makes us laugh so hard. I'm glad he's been inviting me over and stuff lately. I think I'm going to go over there more often. I would've slept over last night, but I had to come home to give Wednesday her medicine.

I'm about to head over there again now to look at houses with them. My dad and Robin are probably going to be building a house. They were going to move to Oconomowoc because they liked the area but they decided it was too far. (Thank god! It's 45 minutes away from here!) They like a model that's in Germantown so they might take a look at that. I really hope they move closer. They live 30 minutes away right now and it's hard to go over there all the time. I would love it if they lived in Germantown or Menomonee Falls or Brookfield. But today we're looking at model houses in Waukesha and Muskego. He can build the house anywhere he wants, but he wants to have an idea of what he wants first. Then I think we'll work more on location.

Here are a couple of pictures of Wednesday. They're from my phone, though. I didn't feel like going upstairs and getting my camera because I have to go.

WednesdayCollapse )

[October 31, 2006 | 07:33 PM]
It may not have been the best halloween ever, but it certainly was the funniest. Sara and I spent $40 on candy today and then we came home, put it in a bowl.. and NO ONE came to our house. We were depressed so we ordered a pizza and we were watching CSI when we decided we were going to go run around the neighborhood and do a reverse trick or treat and hand out candy to people on the street (parents too). It was kind of fun. We gave out all of it to 20 kids or so in about 20 minutes. Certainly a more productive way to give out candy. I think I'm going to do that every year. Everyone really appreciated it.

After we gave it all out, we came back to our house and realized... we forgot the pizza! The delivery guy was pulling up and we ran up to the house. Our neighbor told us that he had already come once and we weren't there so he said he'd come back. Haha, we're assholes.

Also, we picked up our new cat Wednesday today. She's so pretty. Since they don't know her birhday, they made up one like October 4th of 2001 or something. But I decided it should be October 31st because that's when we got her. :) She's kind of scared because everything is new to her now but she's not being a bitch or anything. She hasn't hissed at the other cats and they kind of just left her alone. Well, Sally kind of spazzed out and decided to freak her out but I put a stop to that real quick by beating the shit out of her (just kidding).

I love my mommy [October 25, 2006 | 10:37 PM]
I was on the phone with my mom on and off all night tonight. She asked me to pick up the kids from the store tomorrow and I agreed. Then we joked around for a while and got off the phone. Then I called her back to ask her how to make this chicken thing she always makes. So then I made that and watched America's Next Top Model with Sara. Afterwards, my mom called again because she was watching Laguna Beach and wanted to talk to me about it. Then we both started watching Sex and the City and we talked about it while we watched. It was so cute. About half way through the conversation, I realized we were doing what girlfriends do. I loved it. I love that I can talk to my mom about anything. And that I always do. I don't keep anything from her. I know my moving out brought us so much closer together. It's sad it had to be that way, but I know that's the way it is for a lot of people and I'm okay with that. I do miss her a lot sometimes. Like, I'll feel depressed and I just wish she was right there and I didn't have to call her. But she's a 2-minute car ride away so I always go there when I need to and we usually do dinner once a week. I wish I knew how to tell her that I really appreciate her and that I'm sorry for the way I was when I was younger. We've talked about it before and she's agreed that I was a pistol, but I could've been a lot worse. She went through a lot of crap did a lot for us when we were young. My dad was abusive to her and us and cheated on her and she didn't for a second think of giving him another chance. And I really admire her for that. She set a really good example for me and I really appreciate her.

She was so young with such innocent eyes
She always dreamt of a fairytale life
And all the things your money can't buy
She thought daddy was a wonderful guy
Then suddenly, things seemed to change
It was the moment she took on his name
He took his anger out on her face
She kept all of her pain locked away

Oh mother, we're stronger
From all of the tears you have shed
Oh mother, don't look back
Cause he'll never hurt us again

So mother, I thank you
For all you've done and still do
You got me, I got you
Together we always pull through
We always pull through
We always pull through
Oh mother, oh mother, oh mother

It was the day that he turned on his kids
That she knew she just had to leave him
So many voices inside of her head
Saying over and over and over,
"You deserve much more than this."

She was so sick of believing the lies and trying to hide
Covering the cuts and bruises
So tired of defending her life, she could have died
Fighting for the lives of her children

Oh mother, we're stronger
From all of the tears you have shed
Oh mother, don't look back
Cause he'll never hurt us again

So mother, I thank you
For all that you've done and still do
You got me, I got you
Together we always pull through.
We always pull through
We always pull through
Oh mother, oh mother, oh mother

All of your life you have spent
Burying hurt and regret
But mama, he'll never touch us again

For everytime he tried to break you down
Just remember who's still around
It's over, and we're stronger
And we'll never have to go back again

Oh mother, we're stronger
From all of the tears you have shed
Oh mother, don't look back
Cause he'll never hurt us again

So mother, I thank you
For all that you've done and still do
You got me, I got you
Together we always pull through
We always pull through
We always pull through

I love you mom

[October 18, 2006 | 06:55 PM]
Tina called me today on my break at work to ask me to babysit a few upcoming days and congratulate me... I made it to the next round of interviews. They interviewed 6 people and now it's down to me and one other girl. I want this sooo bad! Just knowing I made it to the top two makes me feel really good, but I'll feel even better if I get this. I would be so so so happy if I got this. I can't even say enough how badly I want this. I called my mom because I was so excited about it and she was like, "oh my god! That's so good!" We both know how hard it is to get in there and just to know I made it this far is so awesome.

Then my mom told me some bad news. I guess my great grandma (who is 95, I think) recently went into a coma. They think it was caused by an overdose, because she was on so much medication, but she had to be on all of that to stop the pain. I guess it's not looking good. Everyone pretty much thinks she's going to die. We're sad, but when we think about it, it's not that awful. I mean, she's 95. She's lived a really long life. I wished she would've made it to 100 and that I could've had a baby before she died so she would have just one great great grandchild, but I guess it's just her time now. And she hasn't been herself lately, either. She's been snapping at people, biting people, and threatening to kill my Aunt Janet. She's definately not feeling like herself.

It's just so sad to know that she's like this. She was always so independent and lived on her own until she absolutely couldn't anymore. I remember years ago, she would drive my sister and I places when we were little. I remember her birthday cards and the checks she would write in them. I remember her hand writing. I remember she taught me how to do crossword puzzles, word searches, and play solitare. And I used to watch the Golden Girls with her in the living room of her little apartment. I used to love going there when I was little. My sister and I would run around and play. There was one of those little mail slots in her door and she and I would send each other mail through it. We loved being there with her. It's really really sad that she's going to be gone and that I won't even get to see her before she dies. I'll never get to say goodbye to her because I'm here and she's in Michigan.

I know if she dies, I want to go to the funeral. I just hope my work will let me go. I haven't seen my family in 2 years because of my job, the least they could do is let me go see my dead great grandmother since, because of them, I didn't get to spend one last Christmas with her last year.

[October 16, 2006 | 04:39 PM]
This weekend was fun. Saturday I stayed late at work because someone called in. Oh well, it was overtime and I wasn't doing anything better. When I got home, Sara asked if I wanted to go to Target and a haunted house with her, Bryan, Krissy, Alycia, and Sean. I said yes to Target but ABSOLUTELY NOT to the haunted house. I can't handle those. I'd like to work up the courage to go in one again but my dad sort of traumatized me when it comes to haunted houses. He threw me in one by myself when I was 8 or 9 and I was hanging on to some stranger the whole time crying. Yeah - not doing that again.

At Target, I got a few new shirts. I got a really cute sweater that's like a t-shirt sort of, a royal blue top with sleeves that go to about the elbows (Sean says it's my color), and a plain white t-shirt. I also bought The Notorious Bettie Page and Me and You and Everyone We Know on DVD. Sara and I got matching hats but we forgot to take them off at the check out so we accidentally stole them! Then we were going to go back to our house but Bryan, Krissy, and Alycia wanted to go to the porn shop. So we went there. Sara and I got headaches from the insence they were burning in there so we hung out in the parking lot with Sean.

I got a cute picture of them..Collapse )

Then when Bryan, Krissy, and Alycia finally came out, we decided to go to Denny's. So we drove out to Brown Deer. We got a table and there weren't too many people there but then all the sudden, like 100 black people came in! There were these girls sitting in the smoking section complaining about the smoke and some older black dude said "then don't sit in smoking!". Sara made sure to blow her smoke all over the place because of that girl. Then one of them screamed later "I hate white people!" Which, by the way, I LOOOOOVE how it's okay for one of them to say they hate white people but if I screamed "I hate black people!" at the top of my lungs in fucking "Brown Town", I'd get shot. Anyway, there were so many people there and it was so packed, there were two security guards and one at the door and they wouldn't let any more people in!

I got pictures as we were leaving..Collapse )

After Denny's we were tired so we went home, watched some TV, and then I went to bed.

Yesterday I slept almost the whole day. I was so tired and I felt icky. Later on, Sara and I went to Target just before they closed and then we went to Wal-Mart to get some more stuff. Somehow, we were there for almost 3 hours! I got some makeup and we did some grocery shopping, too. I also got some cold medicine and vapo-rub and forgot to pay for it! It was sitting under my purse in the cart. Sara said she knew but she didn't say anything. Then we came home, made something to eat, and then I went to bed.

My interview was today. I think it went alright. She said she's going to call me on Friday after a couple more of her interviews and then I might have a second interview where I get to see some of the other people that do what I would be doing in action and see what it would be all about. I really want this job though. Sooo bad. After that, I went to Old Navy and got 4 shirts and two pairs of pants but I didn't get charged one pair of pants! :D I've been getting lucky with free stuff lately.

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